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| Priyankar's Links to Jokes |
Enjoy the jokes with Priyankar the Court Jester of Dill Bates :
Joke 1
A bishop dies and goes to heaven. Before him is a loudmouth man with a loud shirt, chain pants, and a loud hat. Saint Peter asked the guy what he did for a living. He said "I was the taxi cab driver of moo yawk (New York) city. St. Peter hands him a silk robe, and a golden staff. The bishop gets up to St. Peter. St. Peter asked the man what he did for a living. He stood up very straight, and spoke in a loud, clear voice "I am John C. Maxwell, bishop of St. Mary's Church. St. Peter hands him a cotton robe, and a regular staff. "Why", asked the bishop. You let that taxi cab driver have a silk robe and golden staff but not me? St. Peter said "up here we work by results." St. Peter said "While you preached, people slept, while he drove, people prayed."
Joke 2
FAVORITE COOKIE : An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand,shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
A GIRL'S FIRST
TIME : Assume you are a girl (if you
are a boy)
It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten.
You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
refuses
to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger
has found
the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's
gentle like
he promised he'd be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you too trust him-he's
done
this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open
wider to
give him more room for an ease entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his
time,
wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses
closer, going
deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your
body and
you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.
He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.
Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to
go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too
numb to feel
him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and
he pulls
it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle;
that you
have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You
smile and
thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a
tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinkin'?
PERVERT I know what you were thinking!